Wednesday, September 23, 2015

My Break-Up Story

   So I know what a lot of you are thinking, "you're so young. what could you possibly know about relationships?" Well believe it or not, I may know a thing or two. A couple months ago, I dealt with a really bad break-up. The kind where both people really did not want it, but it needed to happen anyway. I never wanted to talk about it up until now, because I just was not quite ready to let people know how it really went. However, I think it is important to let people know that these things do happen and that it is okay to be upset by them.
   A little over two years ago I started dating a guy who is now my ex. Nobody saw it coming. We were so different on everything. At the time that was okay. We learned a lot about each other and we really enjoyed our time together. However, these differences really took a toll on us as a couple. In public we were happy and no one would suspect that we had issues, but we were never on the same page. He wanted one thing and I wanted something different. No matter how hard we tried, there was just no future there. Yet we were together for two years which is honestly a long time for someone my age. As time progressed we became two different people. Neither one of us were happy in our relationship and as much as it pained me,  we both had to say goodbye. When I look back on it, I think we stayed together as long as we did because we were so attached to each other. I think a lot of the time, couples stay together because it honestly is really hard to imagine starting over with someone new. So, the idea of being with someone is a lot better than losing them. A lot of my friends have gone through relationships with that idea in mind. It is human nature to form relationships and we need those relationships to survive. But you should never be afraid of being alone. You need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with another person. RuPaul said it best when he asked "if you can't love yourself how do you expect anyone to love you?" There is a lot of truth in that question because you need to find out who you are and what you want and the rest will fall in place.
   So how did I move on after two years? I think this part of a break-up is different for everyone. I am an optimist and to me I looked at it as an opportunity. I was too young to cry over a boy who wanted nothing to do with me anymore so I took some time to be sad and two months later I was with another guy who makes me really happy. Grieving is okay. In fact, you should grieve. It is okay to be sad. When we broke up I had so many questions through my head. What was wrong with me? Did I do something wrong? Could this have been prevented? Will I find someone new? It was a constant struggle with what I wanted mixed with so much uncertainty. But I found happiness and no matter how awful things seem now, that guy that you thought you loved will just be a learning experience. You have to go through a lot of toads before you find prince charming. But don't just assume that two months is a proper time before moving on. Everyone is different. It is okay to spend some time by yourself. After a long relationship, you can lose your sense of identity. I think it is important that you figure yourself out again before finding someone new. This might take two weeks or even two years. For me, I knew I was ready when I didn't care to be by myself anymore. I knew I was ready when I didn't have to question if I still had feelings for me ex anymore. I knew I was ready to move on when I could look in the mirror and love myself as much as I had been loved before. There is no right time to move on. You get to be the judge of that. No matter how many people tell you otherwise that you should get back on your feet and find someone new, only you can be the judge of when you're ready. Everyone copes differently, but everything will be okay.
   The moral of all of this is that you should never settle. Everyone deserves to be treated as if they are a princess. Not every girl gets the luxury of becoming a princess when they get older (my mom taught me this at a very young age) but you can still feel that way with the right person. There is a difference between Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now. Don't be afraid of being alone. Chances are that if you're not happy with your relationship right now, you probably won't be happy down the road 10 years from now. It's a lot of trial and error. No, I still haven't found Mr. Right. But I'm young. I have plenty of time. However, I do know what I don't want in my relationships. I do have an idea of Mr. Right in my head. But now I'm wiser and stronger and I know what I deserve. Every woman is beautiful. If your man can't make you feel beautiful or loved or important, then he probably isn't your Mr. Right. He's Mr. Right Now. But when you do find the one, you'll realize why it never worked out in the first place. When you find that person that loves you unconditionally and makes you feel like the princess you are, keep them. That is who you deserve.

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